when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
