just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
