I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
