No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
