Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
