Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
