i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
