so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Boobs speak an international language.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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