I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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