I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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