just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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