how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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