Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
