i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
