can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize