When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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