Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize