Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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