Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
