Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
