who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
