Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
