Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
