My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize