There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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