I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
