i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
