Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
