The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
