Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
