So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
