It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
