Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
