i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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