i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
