saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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