if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
