my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize