I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
