He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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