As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
