i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
