My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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