Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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