then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
