i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize