Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
