I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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