What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
