I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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