How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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