i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
