12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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