i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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