I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize