official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize