i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
