Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
