I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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