How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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