i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
