i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize