You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize