i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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