Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
