So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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