somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
