If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize