he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
