New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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