Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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