That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
