Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
