3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Found the puke drawer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize