hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
