So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
