i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
