Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
