i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think your dad took our porno
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Someone signed my nipple.
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