I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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