we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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