I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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