I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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