A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
