Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
