Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
