k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
