I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
