Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize