Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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