Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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