I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
