Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
