its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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