there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize