Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
