i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
