They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
