Define "chronic" masturbator.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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