I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
