some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
