He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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