I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
