ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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