yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I could fuck to npr.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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