Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
