If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
