shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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