Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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