I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
