My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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