Tell her she can't have a vagina
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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