Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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