Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
