k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
